Dear Abby,

My boyfriend and I are in love and want to be married. I want to make certain that when I marry it is forever. Have you a list of topics that should be discussed before saying ‘I do’? We both want to be sure we know and understand each other before making this lifetime commitment. Jennifer from Lakewood, Colorado

In response, Abigail Van Buren (AKA Jeanne Phillips) wrote: "I recently received a book in the mail that you and your boyfriend might find helpful. It is very well done, easy to read and jargon-free, and although it was written for military couples whose marriages can be subject to extreme stresses, it can provide food for thought to civilian couples as well. It was written by a former military chaplain, Gene Thomas Gomulka. The title is The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military."

"This book is different from any relationship book I've ever read. And after my divorce, I've read a number of them. When I saw that it was written by a former chaplain, I was afraid it might be heavily religious. But while it had a small section on religion, it was not at all preachy. It's more of an interactive self-help program than a book you read from cover to cover. After reading some of the advice on a number of different topics from sex to even pets, I wish the book were around years ago. I can't say for sure if it would have saved me from marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons, but I think it can probably help a lot of couples before and after marriage."   Trish

"Neither I nor my fiancé are in the military, but most of the advice given in this book can pertain to all dating couples. My fiancé and I are young, just graduating college, and we found that the self-graded questionnaires in particular gave us constructive assistance in realizing where both our strengths and weaknesses as a couple lie. If you're not planning to go to premarital counseling, and even if you are, give this book a try. It is worth it."   Emily

"I was going to marry my boyfriend before he deployed. After a chaplain encouraged us to complete your inventory online and consider ordering your book, we decided that we’re too young to get married. I’m 18 and he’s 19. I believe you prevented us from making a very big mistake."   Jodi 

"I enthusiastically recommend that every chaplain, executive officer, first sergeant or sergeant major get a copy and use this book to counsel his or her young Marines and sailors who are at the bit to take the matrimonial plunge. This book can save countless hours of counseling, countless dollars in lost productivity, countless phone calls to the command in the middle of the night, and countless hopes shattered by people who marry for the wrong reasons.” Major G., MCRD, San Diego

"As a married military couple, we believe this book will save quite a number of marriages. In the middle of our seventh move in twelve years of marriage, we can speak freely that the challenges are tough and require much patience. We think a book like this should be issued to any couple wishing to be married in the military." Donna & Andy

"We have been using The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military for our marriage enrichment workshops … [and] have found the book to be very useful in opening up topics for animated discussion on various issues. I particularly appreciated the counsel related to parenting during and following deployments."                    David T., MN National Guard

“Captain Gomulka has put together a thorough, systematic way to talk with our service members about everything from money to kids to even in-laws - and to gauge how well we are working together as a team toward our common goals. If you are dating or married to a service member, you'll be glad you read this book.” Ralph N.

"The Survival Guide includes a wealth of information for all married or dating couples, and has salvaged many marriages. It is the perfect tool for those who are planning to get married to a service member or are currently married to one."                                                Julie M., Esq.

"I ordered two copies of The Survival Guide for my son and his girlfriend who are planning to marry. I read it myself and found it to be very clear and very user friendly. It's wonderful to be able to provide him with a clear cut, common sense guide. Thank you for publishing it."                                                                                              Mom

"We recently purchased 200 copies of The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military and the Airmen loved them. I would like to order a larger quantity."            CMSgt USAF